


A Queer Conundrum

by maria_j_harper



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst (sort of), Confusion, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mostly plotless, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, like seriously, ridiculous fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-20 11:49:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11920287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maria_j_harper/pseuds/maria_j_harper
Summary: Just because your manservant catches you wanking and decides to help, that doesn't make you queer, right??? It's not as if every time Arthur looks at him now, he finds himself thinking about how utterly he wants to ravish those lips, or how a glimpse of his collarbone makes him want to map it thoroughly with hungry kisses...Problem? What problem? This is fine!





	1. An Unexpected Morning

Arthur woke up in bits and pieces, trying to stay in the dream even as it slipped away from him, chased by the warm morning light that spilled in through his window. It left him with only the vague memory of lips on his, and a hard-on that throbbed with the ghost of dreamed pleasures. He was too warm, the weather had been changing and the bedding that was good at the beginning of the night was too cold by the middle of it, and now that it was day, the blanket Merlin had added in the night was oppressively hot. He sat up and kicked the blankets off of himself, leaning his back against the headboard of his bed. This done, he took his member roughly in hand. It was early enough for him to have a little time to indulge his morning wood, but not much.

He worked himself quickly, mind seeking a fantasy that would bring him to a swift climax, but his usual favorites didn’t do as much for him as they usually did. Nonetheless, he had very nearly lost himself in a blissful moment, eyes drifting skyward, when his door burst open.

“Right, rise and shine you lazy loute! You’ve got a big day…” the rest of Merlin’s sentence was lost as his intense blue eyes widened, taking in Arthur in his entirety as he sprawled languidly, golden in the morning light. His mouth hung open, as though trying and failing to continue speaking. Arthur felt heat rush to his face, as an inordinate amount of shame filled his chest. What was Merlin staring at? Everyone masturbates, and given the way the concept of knocking seemed to escape Merlin, it was a surprise he’d not walked in on him like this sooner! Any decent servant would have the good sense to just swiftly back out of the room with a “Sorry sire!” so why the hell was Merlin just standing there?

“Um, Merlin? Unless you'd care to help me with this, get out!” Arthur barked, feeling very exposed as those ocean blue eyes looked at him unblinkingly. His comment spurred Merlin into movement like he wanted, but not into scurrying back out the door the way he’d expected. Instead, he moved surprisingly quickly with halting, jerky steps forward, toward Arthur.

Arthur tried to speak, to demand just what Merlin thought he was doing, but his voice wouldn’t come to his lips. Merlin sat on the edge of his bed all once, with an air of awkward determination, and Arthur suddenly realized exactly what Merlin was doing. He knew what would happen just before a smaller, more delicate hand slid its fingers just under his own, which had been frozen mid stroke, to wrap around the base of his member. Arthur let his hand fall away, and Merlin slid his hand up the blond man’s shaft slowly.

Arthur gasped at the sensation of Merlin’s hand discovering the length of him, mind still reeling with incomprehension at what was happening. He had never expected Merlin, with all his snark and disrespect, would do something like this. He made the mistake of searching Merlin’s face for answers, and found himself facing eyes that stared into him with a hungry intensity that felt almost like a challenge, and he had to look away.

Merlin gave him a few more strokes as Arthur heard him shift. Merlin’s grip changed, which didn’t make sense until the wet heat of his mouth slid down over the head of Arthur’s member. All questions, all cognizant thought fled his mind as Arthur choked back a surprised moan so that it left his throat like a hiccup, and he looked back at Merlin to see him leaning over his groin. His eyes still looked up at Arthur, and the blond quickly found something else to focus on, like the way Merlin’s body moved as he endeavored to take more of Arthur’s member into his mouth, then slid back until just the head was still between his lips. It wasn’t just the way that Merlin’s ass rocked forward towards him as his lips moved down Arthur’s shaft, it was the stretch of his torso, the slightly uncertain, slightly hungry way his free hand grasped at Arthur’s naked thigh. Despite his lanky build there was a wiry elegance to Merlin’s form, hidden under loose and common clothing and only coming to light when he moved, that Arthur found fascinating.

Merlin’s hand, the one not grasping Arthur’s thigh, was still around the base of his member. He began moving it in tandem with his mouth, stroking him with each bob of his head. Arthur exhaled sharply as Merlin’s tongue swirled around the head of his member and found the sensitive tip with a firm lick.

Merlin paused then, shifting so that he sat more or less between Arthur’s legs, the way he’d been leaning had become an uncomfortable strain, Arthur supposed. Now he glanced up at Arthur, and while his eyes still made Arthur’s core burn, his gaze seemed almost questioning. Arthur, still speechless, gave a slow nod, then nodded more emphatically when he feared the previous nod might go unnoticed.

Merlin bent over and ran his tongue up Arthur’s member from base to head, and then popped him into his mouth and gave a good, hard suck that drew a strangled cry from Arthur’s open mouth. He bobbed his head up and down deliberately, as though still exploring him with his mouth. The fingers of one hand traced slowly up the inside of Arthur’s thigh, deliberately giving him time to forbid Merlin from gently caressing his delicately sensitive balls. Arthur instead only uttered a soft, groaning “Ohhhh…” as he did so.

Gradually, Merlin began to pick up pace, sucking on Arthur’s member to draw it deeper into his mouth as he caressed the shaft and head with his tongue. Arthur let his breathing become fast and ragged, hips rolling upward slightly each time Merlin sucked on his member. He knew he wouldn’t last long, it would be over embarrassingly fast really, but but was too late to hold back now. He could feel pleasure building like elastic force, a pooling tension in his groin, waiting to be released. He let his hand run fingers through short raven hair, not holding, pushing or pulling, just feeling the soft texture on his fingertips.

He tried to warn Merlin just before he reached his climax, but his words tripped over each other’s feet and stumbled on his tongue, and then he was arching his hips upward and Merlin’s lips were still firm around him. He felt Merlin swallow with his member still in his mouth, and he shuddered, before Merlin let his member go with a wet pop.

He watched, spent, as Merlin wiped his lips with the back of his hand, and then quickly pushed himself up off of Arthur. Arthur noticed that Merlin’s member was bulging through the fabric of his trousers, and tried to come up with something sufficiently witty and mocking to say about him getting off on sucking off a man, but Merlin was already making steps toward the door, saying “I’ll just go bring you your breakfast now, shall I?” and whatever train of thought Arthur might have had was trampled by the urgent thought, _no, don’t leave._

“Merlin, wait a moment.” He stood up, and when Merlin kept moving towards the door, Arthur moved towards him, closing the distance with a couple of long, quick strides. He caught Merlin by the wrist. “Let me at least repay the favor.”

Merlin’s breath caught in his throat, and he let Arthur pull him back by the wrist toward him, and then back him up against the wall. Arthur tugged at the lacing of his trousers, then hesitated.

“You do want me to, don’t you?” he asked. Merlin nodded slowly, of course he wanted Arthur to touch him! How could Arthur not know that, after what he’d just done? He’d just never imagined Arthur would want to… to hold him pinned firmly to the wall as he finished unlacing his trousers and bring out his member, or take it ardently in his strong, battle calloused hand and stroke it steadily, or look at him as he did so, the light from the window changing the shade of his eyes to a fathomless sky blue. It was Merlin’s turn to look away, feeling as vulnerable now as he had felt powerful a minute before.

Arthur was firm but gentle, worried about hurting Merlin if he treated him with the same rough jerking he usually gave himself. He leaned against Merlin, a little unsteady on his feet so soon after getting up, and found himself with his face against the curve of Merlin’s neck. He nuzzled down below Merlin’s customary neckerchief, and nibbled into the temptingly perfect pale flesh. Merlin whimpered, and his hips bucked forward, encouraging Arthur to quicken the pace of his stroking.

Arthur began sucking a hickey into Merlin’s skin, low on its curve where the mark would be easily hidden. He teased Merlin’s skin with his teeth and tongue, all the while stroking at his member more and more quickly. Merlin squirmed under him with pleasure, letting out a throaty, wanton moan.

As the rhythmic pace of Arthur’s hand increased, Merlin began breathing raggedly, letting out a breathy moan with each exhale and thrusting his hips forward into Arthur’s grasp. He mumbled something incoherent about “Oh god, itssogood, don’t stop!” and Arthur smirked a little to himself, relishing the fact that he could render Merlin even more of a babbling idiot than usual. If he’d known how much fun it would be to reduce the man he’d been reluctantly putting up with for over a year to this incoherent pile of pleasure and interesting noises, he might have done it sooner.

He ran his free hand up into Merlin’s hair, this time pulling a bit, just enough to allow him easy access to another part of his neck, nibbling and teasing at the as of yet unmarked skin. He began sucking marks here too. A surge of possessive feeling washed through him, though he was too absorbed in the moment to identify its source. Merlin was becoming frantic under his attentions, moans getting clipped off as they interrupted each other in their urgency to come out of his mouth. It didn’t surprise Arthur when soon, he came with a shuddering sigh, thrusting a few more times into Arthur’s grasp before growing still. His seed covered Arthur’s thigh, as well as his hand.

Arthur released him and stepped back a bit. “I think a bath before breakfast is in order, don’t you Merlin?” he asked wryly, looking down at the mess.

“Right, I’ll. Get it started.” Merlin tucked his member back into his trousers and re-laced them, seemingly happy to oblige Arthur in pretending nothing unusual had just happened.

* * *

The day was filled with things to do, knights to train, chores to do, and both Merlin and Arthur managed to distract themselves thoroughly from the events of the morning. Gaius teased Merlin that he’d never seen him so eager and focused on sorting herbs. The evening though, found them both tossing and turning for several hours as they tried and failed to go to sleep. 

For Merlin, he was kept up by worries over tomorrow. What if Arthur fired him, or worse, humiliated him for what had happened? Probably not, he seemed to like it well enough, but that might bring its own issues. What if it became part of his list of duties? Iron my shirt Merlin, fix my armor Merlin, suck my cock Merlin. No, that wasn’t Arthur. No, he’d just keep pretending it didn’t happen, which Merlin could deal with! Really, he could. This was fine.

After all, he couldn’t exactly expect Arthur to suddenly declare his undying love because of one dalliance, especially not to a servant, and especially not to his manservant.

Meanwhile Arthur kept wondering what he had seen in Merlin’s eyes that morning, why he, who never backed down from a challenge, couldn’t meet Merlin’s gaze. When he tried a quick bit of fun to send him to sleep, every fantasy he tried to summon crumbled. He tried to conjure a woman’s face, and within moments her long dark tresses were short raven locks, he tried to think of the soft melody of a woman’s voice raised in pleasure, but the paled before memories of the throaty moans elicited when he marked pale skin with his mouth. His own member made the flesh of his hand recall a different hard, hot length. Every fantasy he tried, it all came back to Merlin.


	2. A Moment of Weakness

The next morning Merlin knocked before entering Arthur’s chambers, and found him already awake and dressed. There was a tension to the way he was standing that worried Merlin, but he would ask what was bothering him later. “Your father wants you,” he told Arthur, not quite able to look directly at the tall muscular man whose marks still lingered on his neck. “Something about a council meeting about a kingdom to the north, I think.”

Arthur nodded. “Yes, of course. Before I go though… we’re friends, aren’t we Merlin?”

Merlin boggled confusedly at Arthur. Why was he asking this? “I mean you’re an utter prat sometimes, but yeah, I consider you my friend.”

“Good, good. And you know, it’s not unusual, is it, for friends to sometimes… help each other out, like yesterday morning? It doesn’t mean either of them is necessarly queer or anything, just pent up, am I right?”

Merlin felt a rush of pity and affection for Arthur, remembering how difficult it had been for him to come to terms with his own orientation. He considered refusing to play along, blowing a hole in Arthur’s little lifeboat of denial with a swift “no,” but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He had to let Arthur figure this stuff out in his own time and in his own way. “Sure, yeah, I suppose.” He shrugged.

The tension in Arthur’s posture dissolved, and he grinned. “Excellent. Glad we sorted that out.” He strode out of the room quickly, haste only half due to his wish to answer his father’s summons.

* * *

What had previously been relief, mixed with some traitorous threads of disappointment, was replaced by a creeping worry that manifested itself in Merlin as a slight skittishness. Arthur had been calling on him less and less for the past few days, and more than once he’d been embarking on a scouting mission and Merlin had been told “no, you stay here and help Gaius,” where he knew normally he would have been dragged along. Arthur was avoiding him, and especially was avoiding being alone with him, and maybe it shouldn’t have hurt, but it did.

It had been a stupid, impulsive decision, he knew it even when he’d made it. How the hell was he supposed to resist though, when Arthur had been there, laid out for him like a feast, all tawny and muscled, sweat the only thing to cover his skin? He remembered just how it felt, watching as the wall he kept between his physical attraction to Arthur and his deep and abiding affection for him crumbled and made him forget all about the “friends” label he had worked so hard to keep stuck onto their relationship in his head. He couldn’t have walked away, even if he’d wanted to. How was he supposed to, when given the chance to just once, know what that body felt like against his own? The chance to see Arthur come apart from the attentions of his lips and tongue? The insufferable prat was irresistible to him, and after putting up with him for a year, didn’t Merlin deserve just a little indulgence?

He traced his fingers over his neck. The marks that Arthur had left were gone, but the memory of them was still enough to make Merlin’s stomach go tight with longing. The possessiveness of the way Arthur had sucked marks into his skin had almost made him think he was wanted… but clearly that had just been the stupid fantasy of a man with a pitiful infatuation. He had to stop, focus on the real world, try to earn back Arthur’s friendship while he still could.

He went to the kitchen and asked them for Arthur’s favorite meal, well knowing that this evening the prince was stuck in his room writing up missives, and in general doing all the paperwork that King Uther deemed too boring for his own attention. Upon second thought, he also requested some tea, knowing how stressed and worn out Arthur would be feeling right about now. Once he had these things in hand, he hurried up the stairs to Arthur’s room.

His knock, when he came to the door, was tentative, his voice more so. “Arthur?”

“Enter.”

He obeyed, striding over towards Arthur’s desk. Arthur didn’t look up, apparently absorbed in whatever he was doing, so he waited until the golden haired prince had finished whatever he was in the middle of and looked up. Maybe that had been a mistake, the feeling of Arthur’s eyes on him made his insides melt, and all his plans for what to say dissolved on his tongue.

“I know you’ve been busy, and I thought you might’ve forgotten to eat, so I brought you some food,” he explained, offering the plate forward.

Arthur stared at him, making him shift uncomfortably under his scrutiny, then nodded. “I did, thank you Merlin. Put it there, if you would.” He cleared a corner of his desk of paperwork, and his eyes dropped back to the page in front of him.

“Oh no you don’t, I know how you are when you get like this! You’ll forget it’s even there until it’s gone cold, and I’ll have to take it back and get a scolding from the kitchen for wasting food! I’m not leaving until you’ve eaten. There’s some tea too, it’ll help you concentrate and stay awake.”

“Fine,” Arthur took the plate of food from him, ate a bite, then took the tea and sipped it. “There, happy?”

“Very, thanks,” Merlin replied.

“Right. Off you go then, I don’t need anything just now, and it seems cruel to make you stay up when there’s nothing interesting to be done.”

“Dunno about that,” Merlin shot back with a small smile, before frowning as he mentally cursed himself for actually saying that out loud.

“What? You find this mind-numbing tedium interesting? Honestly Merlin, there’s addled headedness and then there’s just madness!”

Merlin tried and failed to stifle a laugh. “No, but…” He cut himself off before he could finish that sentence with _I could think of plenty of interesting things to do to you._ He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I wanted to ask you something. Why are you avoiding me?” He knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from Arthur’s own mouth. Arthur clearly no longer saw him the way he used to. Merlin the friend and confidant was dead, killed brutally by Merlin the slut who was so eager to suck his prince’s cock. It broke Merlin’s heart.

Arthur’s gaze, which had moments ago held humor as he looked at Merlin, now slid away. “I haven’t been avoiding you Merlin, I’ve just been busy.”

“Oh come on! That’s a load of crap and you know it! Go on, you can tell me, it’s not like you haven’t said worse things in a fit of temper. This is about that morning, isn’t it? Go on, just admit it!”

Arthur looked down into his lap, blood rising to his face in shame. “Is it that obvious then?”

Merlin turned away from him with a sharp chuckle. “Yeah, I suppose it is, to me at least.” He turned back to face Arthur, who now looked away to the floor, skittish and embarrassed. Good. “But I still want to hear it from you, just so everything’s out in the open and clear.”

Arthur set his jaw determinedly, and looked up from the floor at Merlin. “Fine. I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you, it’s not fair, and it’s stupid. I… I thought I could just forget about that morning and pretend it didn’t happen, but I can’t. I can’t because, every time I look at you, there’s the memory of it, just waiting, and I can’t help it. Do you have any idea how difficult that makes things for me? I’ll be at a feast, and you’ll be there, and you’ll make that incredibly insubordinate smirk at me and I’ll remember what those lips felt like around me. It’s very inconvenient!”

“Oh.” Merlin blinked, processing. Arthur… couldn’t get him out of his head? But… wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Had the world gone mad? Was the sun dark and fire cold? “And you didn’t say anything to me about it until now because…?”

“Well how the devil was I meant to bring it up, Merlin? ‘Say, remember the other morning when you sucked me off? I’ve been thinking how nice it would be if that could happen again, if you don’t mind, because I’ve been thinking about it ever since.’” Arthur snorted. “Anything I thought of to say just seemed too…” he looked away from Merlin, blushing.

“Alright, guess my powers as a mind reader aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, because that’s really not what I expected to hear.” Merlin took a slow, deliberate step towards Arthur’s desk, smiling. “But as for whether or not it’ll happen again, I suppose that depends.”

Arthur’s eyes came up to meet his, and he felt them pulling at him like a magnate, making his stomach lurch with the desire to be closer yet. “What on?” Arthur’s voice was almost breathless, and it made Merlin want to crumble, but-

“On whether or not you’re still, what was it, ‘not necessarily queer’? See, I don’t get intimate with blokes who aren’t queer. It’s a good policy really, saved a whole lot of trouble and emotional damage for me. Whatever you are, that’s fine; if you’re bi-curious or experimenting, or whatever, you figure it out however you need and I won’t judge you. Just not with me. If I get involved with someone, I want them to be ready to get involved with me. Am I making sense?”

“No,” Arthur replied with a scowl.

Merlin sighed. “The whole ‘I like sex with blokes, but won’t admit I’m queer’ thing? I’ve been there, I’ve done that, I’ve bought the bloody t-shirt. And pretty much invariably, it never ends well. So sorry, but I’m not going back there, not even for you. I can’t be your one experiment with a bloke before you get bored, move on, and wind up married so some chit of a princess and have half a dozen fat little children. I won’t. I’m queer. I don’t go around shouting it from the rooftops, but I’ll never deny it. I’ll be your friend no matter what, but I can’t be the person who helps you figure out if you’re queer or not and then goes back to just being your friend when all’s said and done. I just can’t.”

“This coming from the one who started this whole mess in the first place!” Arthur barked accusingly. “Don’t forget, it was your decision to stay in my room! You could’ve just as easily walked away.”

“Probably should have,” Merlin admitted. “Though strangely still not sorry I didn’t.” He grinned.

A flash of annoyance crossed Arthur’s face. “So it’s less of a policy of not being intimate with blokes who aren’t queer, and more of a policy of not being intimate with them twice?” he demanded harshly.

Merlin blushed. Arthur made him sound like some sort of creep that took a different naive questioning boy to bed with him every night. “No, that was… a special exception. A moment of weakness, you know.”

That made Arthur sit up straighter in his chair, a slow smile smoldering its way across his face. “Do you often have moments of weakness? Or do they only tend to pop up where certain dashingly handsome princes are concerned?” he questioned, expression making Merlin weak in the knees. “Perhaps we should try and find out,” he purred.

“Arthur, it’s a bad idea,” Merlin warned. Even as he spoke, Arthur was standing up and moving around the desk towards him, and oh god, his hands were on Merlin’s shoulders, firm and gentle all at once.

“You should know by now, Merlin. You say bad idea, I hear a good chance at fun.” 

Merlin swallowed. _Walk away. Come on, your feet aren’t actually that heavy, they just feel that way, so pick them up and move! Just back away quickly, politely decline, and everything can go back to the way it was before. It’s the smart thing to do, Merlin, so do it! Move!_ His feet wouldn’t listen to him, in fact, his entire being felt paralyzed by Arthur’s proximity. “Arthur…” What he’d meant to sound like a warning came out embarrassingly close to a plea.

Arthur kissed him then, rough and impatient and intoxicatingly hungry. He nibbled and tugged at Merlin’s lips with his teeth, positively devouring his mouth in a way that made Merlin’s head spin and his breath hitch. He gasped when Arthur pulled away, lips chasing after the mouth that had so hungrily claimed them. “See?” Arthur said with a smug look. “This is fun!” Merlin mustered a glare at him. “Alright then, if you don’t want to do this, walk away.” Arthur said as he backed away from Merlin until he was backed against his desk, hands in the air to show he was up to no mischief.

Merlin let out a ragged, frustrated sigh. “You complete and utter pillock.” Without speaking further, he swiftly closed the distance between himself and Arthur. He took Arthur by the front of his shirt and pulled at him, closing the distance between them entirely.

It was often easy for Arthur to forget that Merlin was actually a bit taller than him, until he found himself tilting his chin upward to meet Merlin’s already open lips with his own. Merlin pressed his lips fiercely against Arthur's, then teased his lower lip with his tongue. Arthur uttered a soft hum and kissed him back, tongue darting out to meet Merlin’s, and then probed further, delving between Merlin’s lips with ardor.

Arthur could feel the world dropping away around them as they kissed, and sat himself slowly on the surface of his desk to ground himself. Merlin contented himself to lean towards him and kiss him for only a few moments, until the deep desire burning in his chest drove him to clamber up into Arthur’s lap, distraction and lust making him a little clumsy as he did so. Not that Arthur seemed to mind. His arms draped themselves around Merlin like they belonged there, and his hands slid down to give his ass a squeeze.

Merlin eagerly wrapped his legs around Arthur’s waist, bringing their bodies even closer together. He ran fingers through Arthur’s golden hair, grinning into the next hungry kiss that Arthur gave him as he did so. He’d been wanting to do that since the moment he’d seen the stunningly gorgeous prat he now had beneath him! Arthur, meanwhile, was relentless with those hungry kisses that made Merlin’s lips tingle and his head spin. Merlin felt he could have lost himself for ages in kisses like those.

“We should- shift to the bed,” Arthur murmured breathlessly.

“Yeah, suppose we should,” Merlin agreed, though he couldn’t quite bring himself to shift if it meant letting go of Arthur.

“Good gods Merlin, I’ve met barnacles less clingy than you!” Arthur complained, before sliding his hands down to the underside of Merlin’s thighs. “Right, hang on.” He slid forward off the desk, taking Merlin with him and carrying him all the way over to the bed with Merlin’s long limbs still wrapped tightly around him. He tried to drop Merlin onto it, but Merlin held on too tight and brought Arthur down with him.

He flashed Arthur a gleefully victorious grin, which Arthur might have found annoying enough to tell him off for, had Merlin not decided to then wiggle himself out of his shirt. The sight of inviting skin, taut over long cords of wiry muscle, had whatever ire might have been raised melt away in an instant, and Arthur found himself nibbling hungry kisses into Merlin’s collarbone.

Merlin hummed happily, and tugged at Arthur’s shirt as well, yanking it free of him and discarding it to the floor. He almost took things further, but then Arthur tried an experimental lap of his tongue over one of his nipples and all he could do was utter a soft moan and arch his still clothed hips up against Arthur’s encouragingly. Arthur hesitated a moment, processing Merlin’s reaction, and then returned to the same nipple with a gentle swirl of his tongue and an urgent suck. Merlin moaned more loudly at that, and then began to push insistently at the waist of Arthur’s trousers. He needed there to be less cloths and he needed it now!

Arthur took this as a cue, and helped Merlin with the stubborn trousers before tugging at the lacing of Merlin’s trousers as well. Merlin helped him get them off with a roll of his hips that went straight to Arthur’s member, which was already half hard with excitement. Arthur wanted to step back and take a moment to appreciate how Merlin looked naked, long and slender and mostly hairless save for the dark curly treasure trail that led down to his member, which was colored dark by his growing arousal. But stepping away for even a moment might make Merlin change his mind, and Arthur had been wanting this for days.

He climbed up onto the bed, laying himself out over Merlin, their legs tangling together as he traced the strong jawline of the man beneath him with his tongue. On impulse he nibbled at the shell of Merlin’s ear, and Merlin made a small sound and then giggled.

“What?” Arthur demanded.

“That tickles.”

Arthur decided to transfer his attentions to Merlin’s neck, since that had gone over so well the last time. Merlin’s hips hitched upwards, and their erections were rubbed against each other between the press of their bodies. Arthur gave a startled, gasping moan, and rolled his hips down into Merlin’s, trying to find a repeat of the same sensation. Merlin made a sound enticingly close to a whimper, hips moving almost involuntarily along with Arthur’s.

Merlin moved a hand to Arthur’s chest and experimentally toyed with a nipple, curious to see if it would give Arthur a similar reaction to his own. Arthur hummed softly. “Think yours’re more sensitive, I mean it’s not bad, but-” he broke himself off by taking Merlin’s hand with his own, interlacing their fingers, and pinning it up above Merlin’s head. He kissed Merlin’s chest, trailing his way over to a nipple that he teased with a flick of his tongue. Merlin’s hips rolled upward, drawing shaky moans from them both. “Yeah, it doesn’t do that for me,” Arthur murmured breathlessly against Merlin’s skin.

“Then what do you want me to do? I don’t want to just lay here,” Merlin asked, pulling himself out of his revery. This was important.

“Well you could roll your hips like that again, for starters,” Arthur said. “Apart from that, I don’t know, whatever you want.” He nuzzled up Merlin’s chest and gave him a long kiss. Merlin opened his mouth, and Arthur curled his tongue against his invitingly, drawing it into his mouth and giving it a suck. Merlin made a muffled moan and his hips rolled upwards again, his free hand skimming up and down the skin of Arthur’s back.

Arthur began to set a steady pace with the roll of his hips against Merlin’s, the sensation of a hot hard member gliding against his own making him gasp with each movement. Pre-cum dampened the skin of their groins, and Merlin’s hand fisted in his hair in a way that had no reason to feel as good as it did. Arthur kissed Merlin hard, desperate to lose himself completely in the gorgeous man sprawled out beneath him.

His heart raced the same way it had when he’d gone with some older boys to a waterfall that one by one they had all jumped off of into the water. The adrenaline, the excitement that chased fear, and the crystalline moment of free-fall that made it hard to remember to breathe, it was all here in this moment. Was this what it was to fall for someone? Arthur almost stopped at the thought, but then Merlin decided to try one of his tricks, catching his lower lip between his teeth and tugging at it lightly, and all thought was chased blissfully from his mind.

Arthur pressed his body down into Merlin’s willing form with growing ardor, as though he might merge them together into one being if only he could. Merlin shuddered with pleasure at the sheer intensity of it all, caught up in a whirlwind of passion and pleasure that made him writhe and moan against Arthur’s unyielding presence. He knew it would be over soon, and he clung to Arthur desperately, like if he could hold on tighter it might last just a little bit longer, but it was a hopeless endeavor. His climax crashed over him in a great wave of ecstasy that made him shudder and cry out, eyes fluttering shut as bursts of white appeared on the inside of his eyelids. Distantly, he heard Arthur’s cry of pleasure mingle with his own, and then he felt a heavy weight settle as Arthur became still and relaxed down on top of him.

Merlin let out a shaky sigh, and buried his nose in the nape of Arthur’s neck, relishing the grounding pressure of his body pressing down on his own. Slowly, their breathing returned to normal, and Merlin poked Arthur’s shoulder. “Hey, you’re squishing me.”

Arthur grunted, and rolled over, lying beside him on the bed. Merlin glanced over to him, and grinned as he drank in the sight of Arthur thoroughly spent, hair mussed, and more relaxed than Merlin had ever seen him. _I did that,_ he realized with relish. Arthur’s head lolled over towards him, and he made an attempt at a surly frown. “What are you grinning about?” he demanded.

“Nothing,” Merlin said innocently, grin widening.

“Idiot.”

“Prat.”

Arthur gave Merlin a lopsided smile. “Tell me again how this was a bad idea?”

Merlin sighed. “It was. It is. It’s going to get messy and complicated, these things always do you know, and if I’m going to get messy and complicated with someone, I want there to be a little more potential than just… whatever this is. I… have a duty, to you, to Camelot, but that’s not all I want out of life. One day, when Camelot is safer, when you’ve become the king I know you’re going to be, when all my work is done, I want to be able to have a life. I want a house with an herb garden, and a partner to share it with. I want kids. We’d have to adopt, but that's okay. I want at least four.”

“Four? You can scarcely take care of yourself, Merlin, how are you going to take care of four kids? I’m the one who needs a bloody heir, but I only plan on having the one, and I’m much more responsible than you.”

“Take care of you don't I? ...Fine, three.”

“Two, and a dog.”

Merlin burst into laughter that rocked his whole body, and suddenly Arthur could see him with four kids, grinning down at tiny faces, doting on them all equally because his heart was just that large. But when Merlin sobered, he nodded with solemnity. “Two kids and a dog sounds perfect, actually.” His eyes met Arthur’s, and suddenly it felt terrifyingly less like a hypothetical ‘maybe someday’ and more like a promise.


	3. The Point of No Return

Leon had come out as gay to the rest of his knight friends about three years ago, right when he’d moved in with his first serious lover. Then somebody told somebody who told everybody, and he’d been certain he would be unceremoniously unknighted, and possibly banished. He was still a bit mad at Arthur, who had joshed him on to nearly confirm his worst beliefs, only to double turn and give him three days off to enjoy his new state of cohabitational bliss, and a commendation for his excellent work as a knight so far.

Thankfully said knighthood allowed him some social protection from the worst kinds of fallout from being outed. Anyone who was directly offensive to him, he challenged to a duel, and they quickly learned their lesson. Even so, he’d become quite used to being asked about the most inappropriate things by all kinds of people, and few had the tact not to ask him in front of other people. Of course, every now and then the person asking questions wasn’t a painfully biased idiot, but instead a confused kid who just needed somebody to talk to about this shit, and in his mind that made it worth it. He felt a bit like a sage old master, passing on his wisdom to young students of the Way of Gay.

That wasn’t to say he didn’t sometimes have his moments of frustration. For example, today, when he was eating in the mess hall and someone sat down across from him and began with “So I’ve got this friend...” He didn’t look up from his food until he had successfully fought back the urge to roll his eyes and say something sarcastic that would make it clear that he knew there wasn’t any friend. _Leon, be nice to the baby gay. If he needs the illusion, let him have it._ He told himself.

He looked up with a gentle smile, and almost did a double-take. “Prince Arthur?”

Arthur hunched his shoulders uncharacteristically, embarrassed. His eyes darted away, then went back to Leon. “Yes. I thought you might be able to advise me on how to help with a problem my friend has been having.”

Leon held his breath momentarily, until the deep urge to sigh had passed. “Right, so what do you need to know?”

“Um. Well… he’s been fooling around with another man, even though he’s never fooled around with a man ever before, never even thought about it! He’s only ever been interested in the fairer sex, until now. Isn’t that… strange?”

Leon shrugged. “Not particularly. If I’ve learned anything over the past three years of being openly gay, it’s that sexuality is a sliding scale, and it can change. There are some people, for example, who only feel attracted to anyone if there’s already a significant emotional attachment. Maybe your friend just… met the right guy?”

“No, no that can’t be it! I don’t- my friend doesn’t like him! The guy’s a total idiot! And rude, and irritating! There must be another explanation.”

Leon tilted his head and shrugged. “Maybe. Sexuality can also be fluid, what you’re interested in, what you want, what you need, it can change over time just like the rest of you. Fact is, love’s a tricky business, almost impossible to explain. I can’t tell you why you’re- your friend is suddenly interested in a guy, he’ll have to figure it out for himself. Or just say sod it and give up on explaining it, that’s probably the better option.”

“Right… thanks for that.” A moment of silence passed, as Arthur looked down into his lap and Leon waited calmly for him to muster the courage to ask his next question. “Um… so my friend and his, um, friend. They’ve only done a couple of things, really, and my friend… he’s sort of wanting to take it further, but not really sure how?” It came out like a question, and Leon had to fight not to laugh at just how awkward and nervous the normally confidant Prince Arthur was.

“Can’t your friend just ask his intimate companion what to do?” He asked, eyebrows raised.

“Gods no!” Arthur actually physically recoiled at the notion. “He’d never let him live it down. The companion, that is. Like I said, he’s entirely irritating.”

Leon bit his cheek so he wouldn’t give Arthur a knowing grin. There was only one person he could think of that elicited such a dramatic response from Arthur. Suddenly he felt a lot more willing to share his wisdom with Arthur, for Merlin’s sake if not for his. “Care to elaborate on what you mean by ‘a couple of things’? I need to know what you need to know.”

“Just… hands, and his mouth, and…” Arthur made a gesture, “rubbing.”

“And how’s that been going so far?”

“Good. Bloody fantastic, in fact.”

“And so you need to know more because…”

Arthur made a small, soft, uncomfortable noise in the back of his throat, somewhere between a croak and a whimper. He wasn’t ready to say his reason out loud, Leon knew. “I… don’t know,” he managed to say.

Leon took pity. “Alright, at least you’re asking me instead of blundering on ahead unprepared, recipe for disaster that. You’ll want some kind of lubricant, and whichever one of you is on the receiving end of things will need preparation, otherwise it will hurt.”

Arthur looked a bit perplexed, though he didn’t seem to notice that Leon had forgotten about the pretense of his ‘friend.’ “Preparation?”

Leon nodded. “Start with a finger, then two, then three if you can. Go slow, especially given it’s your first time. There’s a spot, up in there and forward a bit, and it’s pretty damn fantastic when you find it. Might make things finish a bit prematurely, actually, but still.” Arthur still looked confused. Leon masterfully did not groan, though he couldn’t keep from rolling his eyes. He kicked the bench right underneath Arthur, making him jump a bit, then pale as he realized what Leon was saying.

Arthur had always heard _‘shove my dick up your ass’_ as an angry threat, and had a hard time wrapping his head around the idea it might be a recreational practice. “And this… feels good then? For both people involved?”

“If you do it right,” Leon said with a smile. “I know I’ve been at both ends of the equation and enjoyed myself thoroughly. There’s some literature on the subject, obscure but it’s there. I could lend you some if you like.”

Arthur frowned, started to shake his head, and then said, “Well, maybe if I took it to the library… Sorry, thinking out loud.” Leon smiled, softly this time. The fact that he didn’t want Merlin to know he didn’t know what the hell he was doing was a little endearing, it spoke to his respect for the man he called servant.

“I’ll see you tomorrow in the library then,” Leon promised.

* * *

“I’ll never judge anyone, or their choices, Leon, but you do seem to be going through this salve worryingly fast,” Gaius said dryly.

“I- no, it really is for someone else. You know how kids are, sometimes they’re too embarrassed to come ask for what they need for themselves.”

Merlin turned curiously to see Leon, patiently waiting while Gaius poured out something that looked like salve into a jar. Leon’s gaze met his, and lingered curiously. Merlin frowned. “I don’t recognize that salve, what is it?”

“Well it’s got ginseng and a few other sundries, but it’s really mostly just a blend of natural oils,” Gaius answered.

“What’s it for then?”

Gaius, for the first time in all the time Merlin had known him, stammered. “Well- well, I- I suppose one could say that- that-”

“Physical therapy,” Leon provided. “I strained a muscle yesterday, and raising my arm at a certain angle still hurts.”

“But I thought it wasn’t for you.”

“Merlin, if you have time to be eavesdropping, then I should think you’d have time to clean the leach tank,” Gaius admonished.

* * *

A week passed, and Merlin and Arthur wound up naked and panting together three times within its span. Each time, Merlin cursed his own weakness, and each time he felt his ability to resist Arthur lessen. They were still just learning each other, exploring each other’s bodies with care and desperate hunger in turns, and every now and then Arthur would do something that made Merlin gasp and throw back his head and murmur, “Where the devil did you learn that?” To which Arthur casually replied, “Been doing some reading.”

Merlin found himself visiting the dragon frequently, asking his council on what he should do about Arthur. “I know that if we keep it up, someone’s going to wind up hurt, but he keeps being maddeningly… persuasive, and the only way I can think to stop is to leave.”

“You must not leave Arthur’s side, young warlock. These are dangerous times, and you must be here to protect him, whatever the cost,” the dragon told him. “You and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, your fates are as one. He is your destiny, as you are his. I never promised that yours would be a path without sorrow, but it is the one you must walk.”

“So, what? I should just let my heart get broken?”

“I cannot tell you how to proceed in matters of the heart, young warlock. I am a dragon, I know nothing of the hearts of men. All I can say is it may be that things are not going to end as badly as you think they will. What could be a more harmonious match, after all, than two who have been destined for each other since time began?”

Merlin shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. It’s not like that, not for him anyway. For him it’s just a bit of fun, those are his words.”

“Hmmm… perhaps. Only time will tell.”

* * *

It had been a difficult day, and the stress of threats from outside the borders and within hung heavy on both Arthur and Merlin’s shoulders. Merlin knew that they both needed to unwind, and he had his shirt off and his arms around Arthur’s neck before Arthur could even suggest it.

Arthur hummed approvingly, kissing him slow and deep, his hands settling gently on Merlin’s waist. He kissed Merlin backward to the bed, laying him back onto it gently. He spent a long time acquainting his lips with Merlin’s lips, neck, and chest, kissing him sweet and gentle in some places, but hot and open mouthed in others, until Merlin was urgently divesting himself of his trousers, shaky with anticipation and need.

Arthur happily migrated downward, pressing kisses into the jut of Merlin’s hip, the slope of his adonis line. Merlin’s member jumped when soft lips pressed gently against its head, though they were light and gone too soon. Merlin squirmed. “Arthur…”

Arthur flicked his gaze up to meet Merlin’s, and smiled. He reached for a jar of salve that had been hidden under his bed for a while now. Merlin recognized that jar. He made a soft, curious noise, sitting up to watch Arthur apply it to his fingers. Arthur looked at him with a stern expression, and then took Merlin’s member in his now slippery hand. Merlin uttered a soft noise, and slowly crumpled back onto the bed, arching his hips up eagerly.

Merlin’s legs spread apart with a little soft nudging from Arthur’s free hand, and he gasped and let out a cooing “ohhhh” as Arthur gently caressed his fingers over his balls. Warm lips kissed the inside of Merlin’s thigh, and he have a fluttering sigh. Then Arthur’s fingers went lower than before, not probing yet, just stroking across the tight pucker of Merlin’s ass. Merlin’s breath hitched, uncertainty showing in his voice. “Oh?”

“Is this alright? We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Arthur kissed the inside of his thigh again, reassuringly. “We can do something else, if you’d rather.”

“Um. No, I… think I want to. I just. Haven’t before.”

“What? Really? But I thought…”

“I haven’t been with that many people, I just… never got around to it.” Merlin turned his face away, half burying it in a pillow.

“But you do want to? With me?”

Merlin looked back, and Arthur’s eyes were intense, holding him in place. _“Yes,”_ he replied, voice little more than a shaky whisper.

A smile hung itself crookedly on Arthur's face entirely without his permission, but he found he didn't really mind. He traced his fingers lightly up Merlin’s thigh, and up against his entrance again. “Good. I trust you to complain if you’re uncomfortable, you certainly complain enough about everything else.”

“Arthur?”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

Arthur growled softly and bit Merlin’s thigh in response, which elicited a very intriguing whimper and squirm from him, and his legs parted further. Arthur pressed slowly in with one finger at Merlin’s entrance, and Merlin made this soft, delicate noise that made his loins ache. _Take it slow,_ he reminded himself.

He withdrew slightly, and then delved a little deeper, gradually exploring the hot velvet embrace of Merlin around his finger. Slowly, as Merlin relaxed more, he began to move his hips, pressing back down into Arthur’s attentions, his moans now more full and confidant. Arthur crooked his finger upward, and Merlin’s hips bucked suddenly, a loud noise bursting from him. Not knowing quite how to react, Arthur withdrew, laying his hand flat on Merlin’s leg in a soothing gesture. Merlin whimpered.

“Alright there Merlin?”

“Do that again,” Merlin demanded fiercely.

Arthur let out a low chuckle. He got a little more of the salve, and pressed his finger back into Merlin, who let out a happy sigh that Arthur vowed not to let him forget about any time soon. Instead of going right back where he’d left off though, he began working in a second finger. Merlin’s voice turned a bit strained as his ass stretched to accept it, but that strain quickly dissolved as Arthur worked both fingers in deeper, stroking Merlin’s inner walls.

When Arthur found that spot inside him again, he did so with deliberate slowness, pressing and rolling his fingertips against it in a way that made Merlin writhe and whimper needily. “Gods, Arthur!” he cried, and his hand went to his member, but Arthur caught it by the wrist and pulled it away.

“Merlin,” he rumbled, the word becoming both a command and a promise in the way he spoke it. He took Merlin in his mouth, and the raven haired man let out a shuddering moan of relief mingled with desire. Arthur drew Merlin's member deep into his mouth, until his lips met the base of it and Merlin gave a long moan. Encouraged, Arthur began slowly working his mouth in time with his fingers. Thrust in, suck down, slide back, lick up. Merlin tossed his head, babbling frantic expressions of enjoyment into the air.

When Arthur crooked his fingers again, just as he sucked hard on Merlin’s member, Merlin came with a shout loud enough that Arthur cringed with the fear of it summoning a concerned guard. Seed, hot and bitter, flooded his mouth, and he swallowed it without thinking. Merlin crooned as the last waves of pleasure washed over him and he went still, panting. Arthur withdrew his fingers, and lay down beside him, unable to find anything more than a distant disappointment that he might have to finish himself off tonight. He couldn’t be mad, not when Merlin’s head lolled bonelessly so he could look at him with those cerulean eyes that made his insides turn to warm fluffy cotton.

But then Merlin collected himself, sitting up and reaching for that jar of salve. He sat with a happy, sleepy confidence on Arthur’s knees, and caressed his member with his newly slick fingers.

“You don’t have to do that.”

Merlin looked annoyed, even slightly offended. “I told you, I want to.”

He stroked Arthur until he was satisfied that his member was thoroughly slick, and then shifted himself forward on his knees. Arthur gaped up at him with awe, as he slowly worked himself down onto the blond man’s member. He let out a satisfied hum when Arthur was all the way inside him, and his inner walls gave a pulsing squeeze around Arthur’s member that made him swear colorfully.

Merlin was growing hard again with him inside, Arthur could feel warmth pulsing into his member as it rested against his belly, and he felt a tingle of pride curling through him. He rolled his hips, and Merlin let out a small moan, taking that cue to begin moving as well. He lifted his hips up and brought them back down slowly, and Arthur gave an enthusiastic moan of encouragement. He did it again, and Arthur sat up, not content to just lie back and let Merlin ride him. He wrapped his arms around Merlin’s shoulders as Merlin’s legs wrapped around his waist, and they rocked into each other with a slow, intimate kind of hunger.

Merlin followed the line of Arthur’s jaw with frantic, sloppy kisses that left his skin damp and tingling. Arthur scraped his nails down Merlin’s back, making red lines that faded quickly into pale skin and driving Merlin to cling to him harder, to roll himself down onto him harder. Merlin murmured something that Arthur didn’t quite hear or understand, but he chose to bite into the skin where neck met shoulder and suck hard instead of asking him to repeat it.

They were moving faster now, rocking into each other with a dizzying passion that they were both quickly losing themselves to. Arthur found himself murmuring something repeatedly like a prayer against a stretch of pale skin, and realized distantly that it was Merlin’s name.

Merlin came first, and the way his embrace became desperate around Arthur’s body, the way his voice quavered and stuttered in his throat, sent Arthur topping over the edge after him.

Breath gusting raggedly, they tipped over sideways into the bed, legs tangling, arms still around each other. Their eyes locked.

Merlin’s mouth formed a slow smile and muttered, “So, still not queer then?”

Arthur sighed, rolled over, and sat up. “No. I can’t be. Do you understand? The crown prince of Camelot isn’t allowed to be queer. He’s got to have a good reputation, make a good match, have an heir and a spare and conduct himself with honor at all times. Do you have any idea? Do you have any understanding of what my father would do to you if he were to find out?”

“Much the same thing he’d do to me if he learned I was a sorcerer, I imagine,” Merlin replied sardonically.

Arthur turned to face him in an instant and clutched him hard by the shoulder, giving him a fierce look. “Don’t even joke about that!” Merlin shied away from his bruising grip, and he let his hand fall to the bed. “I’m sorry, but yes, you’re quite possibly right. I couldn’t- if he- I’d never forgive myself.”

“Careful, you’re starting to sound like you care about me or something,” Merlin teased with a broad grin.

“Well if you’re gone, I’ll have to search the whole of Camelot before I find another manservant as irritating as you are,” Arthur said, automatically returning back to their familiar patterns of snark. Merlin looked away from him with an expression that made something in his chest go tight, and he bit his lip, then sighed. “No, of course I do. Believe it or not, but I think you’re one of the truest friends I’ve ever had.”

Merlin turned back, looking into Arthur’s face, expression going solemn. “Even with all the insults and clumsiness and everything?”

Arthur shook his head, a smile tugging irresistibly at the corners of his mouth. “Honestly, maybe _because_ of all the insults. And clumsiness. And everything. With you, I never have to worry about the kind of sycophantic boot-licking that passes for friendship around me sometimes; I know that whatever you are with me, it’s real. It’s one of the reasons I listen to you and trust you as I do, I know you won’t lie to me, not if it’s important.”

Merlin sat up next to him. “No, of course not. I’d only lie if it were for a really good reason, like saving someone’s life or something. Unlike some people I know, who even lie to themselves.” He shoved his shoulder into Arthur’s teasingly. “I mean, it’s only you and me in here, no one’s going to have a fit about you being maybe just a bit queer.”

“Why are you still nattering on about it?” Arthur demanded, perhaps a bit too harshly. “I’ve told you why I won’t!”

The teasing smile vanished, replaced by an earnest look that made Arthur's breath catch. “Because it’s important, Arthur. Saying it out loud, it’s important. There’s nothing wrong with being different, embrace it, and you’ll discover a whole new world of things you never imagined possible when you were living in denial and fear. Just, trust me, I know it’s scary, but it’s worth it.”

“Why are you so sure I’ve got anything to admit?”

“Apart from the fact that we are both naked in your bed, talking about feelings after having great sex? Well, the sex, for starters. I don’t doubt that some guys will jack each other off and it’ll just be casual tension relief or whatever, but I don’t think that they kiss or run fingers through each other’s hair, or do what we just did. That wasn’t casual sex and you know it, Arthur, so just admit it.”

A long moment of silence passed, and Merlin sighed. Wordlessly, he got out of the bed and set about getting dressed. Arthur watched him, slightly mesmerized by the movement of the shoulder blades on his back and the way his skin looked in the candlelight.

“You’re right. I… am. A bit. No idea why it’s just for you, but it’s there, and it counts. It matters. Are you happy?”

Merlin swiveled in place, looking back around at him with a canny look on his face that made Arthur feel suddenly a lot more naked than he had a moment ago. “You are a bit, what?”

“Queer,” Arthur said, and Merlin had been right, saying it out loud mattered. He felt lighter inside, and he couldn’t have stopped the giddy smile that grew on his face and stuck there until his cheeks hurt if he tried. Merlin gave him one of his own broad grins, and Arthur couldn’t think of anything he would rather have been given. “Now, take those clothes back off, I’m not done with you.”


	4. Epilogue

**Six months later**

Merlin jumped when Arthur knocked on his door, and then barged in without waiting for an answer. “Come with me,” he said.

Merlin stood and followed Arthur as he made long, purposeful strides out of Gaius’s work shop and through the various hallways of the castle, nerves racing a mile a minute. Only two weeks ago, he’d finally told Arthur his last and largest secret. Merlin had never hated his magic as much as he had for these past two weeks, hating the way it had driven them apart. They had fought, loudly and angrily, for days after. Then they had talked and talked and both had shed tears and Arthur had said he should stay with Gaius for a while, something Merlin had gotten out of the habit of after their first month together. There had recently been a few small, soft attempts at reconciliation, awkward and halting as they tried to find their common ground again. 

Still, as Arthur led him wordlessly out into the courtyard at the west wing of the castle, Merlin didn’t know what to expect. They stepped out into an enclosed pavilion that hadn’t been here when Merlin last looked, and he did a double-take. There were a few raised boxes, but most of the plants grew in the dirt, leaning companionably against each other like drunkards holding on to one another so they wouldn’t fall over into the pathways. Rosemary shaded parsley and thyme, and jostled playfully with the sage. Mint of four different kinds huddled together in the lowest corner of the pavilion, and Merlin could spot feverfew and yarrow sitting together conspiratorially next to the chamomile and lavender.

“If you keep waiting for things to be safe, for things to be over, then you’ll be waiting forever,” Arthur was saying. “I just thought, you might as well have things that will make you happy now.”

Merlin felt that prickling in his nose that heralded tears, and he didn’t try to stop them. He had never dared ask Arthur for words of love or promises of forever, not even by uttering them himself. He knew no promises would be made, not to him. Except that here they were, written in stone walls and careful landscaping that made this garden look as though it had been here forever, and would be here ever after.

“You built me an herb garden.”

“Well technically, I had Morgana arrange it. If I’d done it, you’d have found out in an instant, and it would have ruined the surprise.”

“Arthur. You built me an herb garden!” Merlin pounced on Arthur with enough enthusiasm to knock him back a few steps as he wrapped his arms tightly around his prince’s neck and kiss him clumsily with his haste to show his appreciation.

“Well you saved my life, how many times again? I’m sure it’s in the hundreds. An herb garden hardly seems like anything at all, compared to that.”

“Can I come back to your room tonight?”

“If you want to.”

“Clotpole, of course I want to!”

“I’m still not sure that’s a word.”

 

**6 years later**

“Igraine, dearest, stop bullying your brother!” Merlin called fondly.

“But it’s my dolly, not his!” Igraine protested.

Merlin walked over and lifted Igraine up into his arms. “Yes, but perhaps you could learn to share? He only wants to play with it because he sees how much fun you’re having with it. Try playing with him, please. I know it’s an adjustment, having a new brother, but I could really use your help making him feel like part of the family. Can you do that for me sweetie?”

Igraine made a face. “But he’s drooling on her.”

“And I’ll clean her up just like I did when you got jam in her hair, or dropped her in the mud. He’s not doing any harm. Listen, why don’t you go see what Pappa’s up to? I bet he’s got a sweet for you, the spoiler.”

Igraine gasped and nodded, little feet moving in the direction of the throne room even before Merlin had put her down.

Merlin then turned his attention to Will, who was indeed drooling on Igraine’s doll. He picked the baby up and caught the doll as Will dropped it in favor of playing with his shirt. He said a small charm, and the doll was as clean as the day it had been bought, though a little more worn, as Merlin was of the philosophy that a doll isn’t a real doll unless it looks played with. He carried Will with him to the herb garden. “Freya, dearest, will you watch this little troublemaker for me?”

Freya, who had been playing with the collie, looked up and nodded. “Yes Daddy, Barkimedes and I will take good care of him.”

Merlin handed Will off to her, and kissed the top of her head. “Thanks, angel.” He left them to their own devices, and decided to go make sure Igraine had found the throne room safely. When he got there, she and her older brother Kay were unsubtly kicking each other and whispering things like “poopy face” and “stupidhead” to each other behind Arthur’s throne while Arthur was trying very hard to conduct court as though they weren’t there.

When Arthur saw Merlin enter, his relief was palpable. “Ah, Lord Rackham, I’m sure you’re familiar with my sorcerer, Merlin. He’s one of my most trusted advisers.” He gave Merlin a warm, affectionate smile that filled Merlin up like warm sunlight.

Merlin nodded. “Yes, well if Your Majesty doesn’t mind, it seems that these pests need a lesson in getting along.”

“She started it,” Kay grumbled.

“Doesn’t matter. Come on, I’ll show you something cool.” Merlin grinned as they both gasped and ran towards him, because they both knew that when Daddy said it in that tone, it meant he was going to show them magic.

“Much appreciated, Your Excellency,” Arthur said with a lopsided grin and a nod.

“Any time, love,” Merlin took the two children’s hands, and brought them along as he disappeared with a small pop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Help. I can't stop thinking about fluffy domestic things with these children. Like.
> 
> How Freya & Igraine were twins that got left with Gaius after the mom panicked & ran & Merlin got Arthur to let them stay "just until we find a good home for them." Arthur tried not to let him name them so they wouldn't get too attached, but finally was like "okay, I can't keep calling them both 'girly.'" & Merlin goes "Well the one you're holding is Freya." "...And the fussy one?" "...Igraine." "That is NOT fair!"
> 
> Arthur with them in a double papoose, spit up stain on the shoulder of his official outfit.
> 
> That one time baby Igraine headbutted Arthur because she was hungry & gave him a bloody nose. Fourteen years later as she gets ready to fight at her first tourney: "She's been a warrior since she could walk, and drew her first blood even before that. She broke my nose!" Arthur tells absolutely anyone who will listen.


End file.
